So it's currently 6:02pm Mountain Time on Monday evening. I started writing post #3 this morning, while enjoying my coffee, safely in our RV at our campground. (Well as safe as you could feel in that campground. Luke was the only one up early so I let him play a round of putt-putt golf just down from the RV and told him to yell every bad word he knew if someone tried to steal him. This is also known as "the Hurley parenting method of fear.")

I was all prepared to tell you about the 1,182 miles and 18 hours we drove from Indiana from Friday night to Sunday night. And tell you all about Macy and Luke having COVID and how I am covered in bruises from playing nurse, chef, maid, navigator, server, and most definitely - the referee - as I catered to the 4 other human passengers for 18 hours with drawers flying open into my shins and falling into dining room tables and chairs. And cleaning blood off the floor from the boy's noses as they wrestled until I slipped them both a melatonin...🤭

I was going to post beautiful pictures of Notre Dame (which I still plan to do!) and tell you how it was the most beautiful campus we've ever seen. And how we slept in a wal-mart parking lot, where I couldn't actually sleep bc I just waited for the wal-mart parking lot murderer to break-in and kill us all.

I was going to tell you how we learned to properly wash your eyeball with water after Luke accidentally sprayed anti-bacterial spray into his left eye. And I dropped Denver's ear infection drops into my right eye (thinking it was my new Lumera eye drops that I am OBSESSED with - you have to try them! Your eyes are SO white!)

And lastly, I was going to share all about the ant infestation we are experiencing and how I can't stop itching my hair and being reminded of watching arachnophobia with my parents in high school and how my dad jumped off the couch scratching his whole body bc he was so freaked out while watching. That is how I have felt for the last 2 days.

But none of those come close to today. Today we decided to leave the pedophile-filled, dusty gravel campground with constant 30mph winds, and continue on toward our destination in Idaho. We made a reservation at a campground 5 hours west, leaving just 2ish hours for us to go on Tuesday until we check in to our condo in Sun Valley, Idaho. About ten minutes into our journey on I-80 West, the RV "stops accelerating", an alarmingly high pitch noise comes on, just as the bright red check engine light appears. Shawn pulls over as quickly, and as far, as he could on the interstate so we could figure out what was going on. 

It took only seconds to feel the massive trucks passing inches to our left and how we were "rocked" as they passed. I kept my calm mom face on (yes for those of you who question this, it's one thing I can claim as truth - I have a calm ass mom face. Not brain. But face.) Shawn called my dad to see if he had any thoughts and I told the kids we should grab Denver and go sit on the mountain away from the RV "just to be safe". 

Naturally, they started freaking out. Jude grabbed his bubby and bear bear and x box controller. Luke grabbed his Jordans. Macy grabbed her phone and Denver. I grabbed my laptop backpack and we walked, aka slipped uphill, until I felt we were far enough away from the RV being hit and smacking into us and killing us all. I knew it was unlikely but again, I'm a mom so I have to do mom things. Shawn stayed on the RV to see if the roadside assistance could help him fix anything.

After sitting on the hill for all of .14 seconds, Macy and Luke are crying hysterically. Yelling at me for taking a selfie of us on the mountain "when your husband is about to be KILLED!" "What kind of wife/mother ARE you?!" So much so that Macy literally erupts into a full on panic induced bloody nose. Like to the point where I just looked at her and said, "I don't even know. Just take your shirt off and use that." Luke is rocking back and forth in tears, fearful that every passing truck is about to kill his dad in front of his own eyes. Jude is the only one "faking" being okay telling everyone to calm down. I think at one point I heard Luke say "Yeah Macy! You're the big sister! WHat are you doing to make us all feel better!?" (insert my fave crying laughing face emoji!)

My mom, having her own panic attack in RVA, calls to say I should call the police so they can put some flares up or something behind us, which I agree is a great idea, and within 5 minutes they are here. And I was feeling great. Cops. Flashing Lights. All the things. Then I see the cop walking back toward his car. And Shawn walking slowly toward us and motioning us to come down. I thought, oh, this cop probably wants us to sit in the back of his car to REALLY ensure our safety. Perfect. Kids will love that.

Nope. Not the message. Shawn explains, as the cop slowly drives away - with ZERO flares left behind - that the cop said we are actually safer in the RV. Why you ask? BECAUSE OF THE INSANE AMOUNT OF RATTLESNAKES ON THIS MOUNTAIN THIS YEAR. Yep. RATTLE. SNAKES. 

Ya'll. No words.

So back in the RV and after 30 minutes of continued tears and freakouts, the kids start to realize we aren't going to tip over from the passing trucks and Shawn and I get back to figuring out what the heck we are going to do. 

We call the tow people. We call my father in law who calls a neighbor who works on RV's. Who calls Shawn from North Carolina and tells him he "would bet 10 to 1 that the clamp busted on our turbo hose" and if we go pop open the engine, we will see it. I text my dad. He said he has extra clamps and sends me pictures of clamps.

Let's all be reminded of the fact that Shawn and I literally outsource EVERY POSSIBLE thing we can. We don't know how to do anything. And I mean very very small things. (As I always say, we cannot even hang a towel rack. for real.) The likelihood of us identifying the busted clamp on the turbo hose is also 10 to 1. 

So I consult youtube and my dad. We don't see a busted turbo hose. I start calling mobile repair men. Most promising was "The RV Gynecologist", but alas, he was "busy" tonight. But his admin I talked to felt terrible about us having kids on the side of I80 and said "definitely don't go outside with the snakes. They are SO bad this year." And she told me to try "The Boss Shop". Pam answered, I poured my heart out to her and guess what? As I type, Shawn and Mr. Boss Shop are behind the RV, on the side of the Interstate, repairing what was in fact, a busted turbo hose.

I have no idea if it will work, where we are headed tonight, or what. But as long as I am not on the side of the highway with all of the rattlesnakes in Wyoming and covered in ants while I sleep, I am going to count that as a blessing.

P.S. I need to give a shout-out to the most amazing dog in the whole world. My Denny (Denver). She is THE most amazing dog...you'd never know she's here. She literally cuddles you non stop and doesn't bother a soul. Yes, we may or may not be sneaking her into our rentals out west, but the therapy she provides is worth it! #getagoldendoodle